We just did what Beyonce told us to do.

We liked it. And then we put a ring on it.

OK, I’m telling you up front, this is a rant. Later on, when your ears are burning and outrage is pouring out from every orifice of your body, don’t say I didn’t warn you. In fact if you're single, maybe just stop reading right here and try filing your nails, it might be a better use of your time. And then you can teach me how to do it, yes?

Anyway. Today being April fool’s day, I wasn’t surprised to come across one of those supposedly funny ecards saying, “All those who are happily unmarried, today is not your day. But to everyone else, we wish a very happy ALL FOOL’S DAY.”

Ha ha, ok. I exhaled through my nose a bit more forcefully than usual. Next came this little nugget from Happily Unmarried – “Establishment is boring, it is regular, predictable, safe, comforting and 9 am to 5 pm. Don't endorse it. Be the black sheep, the square peg in the round hole. Change jobs, experiment, travel, get out of your comfort zone, push others, protest against wrong policies, disagree, be vocal, fall in love, occasionally dress unlike yourself, like yourself, don't like everything on FB, stay single as long as you want to. Be outdoors, question authority. Believe that you are the future and no one can stop you.”

Now, I really like Happily Unmarried. They are witty and creative. And while I love the thought, it irks me that this is meant for the “happily unmarried”. Why, in the name of Dr. Phil’s shiny bald head, do happily married people get ostracized and left out from all this distribution of wisdom? When a single person can upload constant #updates of their whereabouts, and 150 pictures of their trip to Goa, why can’t a married couple post 300 pictures of their corny honeymoon, without the singletons rolling their eyes at them? Why this discrimination on the basis of marital status? I feel like just to live up to these expectations, I should buy a SUV and start hosting kitty parties at home. And god forbid that I flaunt my happiness in the face of my single friends. The implication is that now that one is married, one’s life is secure and bland. My wedding was eight months ago and I have probably spent less than 30 of those days with my husband. Whoever says married life is easy and predictable – live my life for a month, why don’t you, and then we’ll talk. Here's a reality check - NOBODY'S life is easy or fair. Apparently once you are married, you can no longer aim to be different, or fall in love, or experiment. What? Oh right, now that I am wed my focus must be to produce offspring and fatten up my spouse with suji ka halwa dripping with ghee. Why would I want to learn something new?

So this is my shout-out to all my friends who are married – Be proud that you are with the person you love. Make new friends, take dance lessons and educate yourself on current affairs. Take a vacation with your partner to some place you would never go alone, and pick up a hobby you can learn by yourself, sans spouse. Be married as long as you want to be.

And to all my friends who are unmarried and proud of it – Good for you! I am glad that you are enjoying your life and reminding everyone else that you are doing so. But please, please invite me to your wedding – I absolutely love weddings. 

Silent shores

The sea at night is a living, breathing giant. The moonlight reflects on the water as it rolls on and on, unaware of the wonders it hides and the awe it inspires in me this moonlit night. The wind that tugs on my hair is its voice, and the waves lapping at my feet entice me to walk right in, and don't be afraid. As I finally turn around to leave, it's almost hypnotic the way I have to turn around and say goodbye, again and again. And as we drive away, I can't help but think the sea must have been glad to have some company to share its thoughts with, this lonely, moonlit night. 

Advice and stuff

I decided to make a list of useful advice I've gotten from my family and friends. This is all I have till now -

1. From my parents - Whatever you decide to do in life, you should be able to buy your own bread, and your own high heels.

2. From my dog - Never eat a bowl full of chocolates at once. It gets bad. 

3. From my best friend -  "Well, you can flirt with him now and think about the "later" part later." (Four months ago, I married him.) 

4. Last but not the least, "If you're short of time, just apply lotion and run a razor over your legs."

I spy
with my little eye
Hypocrites.

Your twenties is the decade for self discovery, making friends, discovering truths and building relationships that will last forever.
Lies.
You know what happens in the 20s? You sidetrack friends continuously, for that "better half". You discover a few truths and your head swells till you can't fit it through the door of most people's hearts. Everyone around you is inadequate and mediocre. You want to do everything, indeed you can do everything, but how? Its not possible, because the world just isn't good enough for you!

Is this what is called a quarter life crisis, I wonder? Or maybe its just too much stress and lack of sleep. In any case, I'm getting tired of this shit.

Disillusionment is a strong word. Everyone tends to go through it once; you put someone on a pedestal, willingly or not - a friend, a lover or a parent. Then you watch in wonder as the pedestal breaks under the weight of your expectations. This can lead to two things though. The person could come crashing down and leave you wondering why you put them there in the first place, or you find that they now stand on solid ground and you can see the real beauty of their flaws and the true colour of their eyes. 

SO random.

Little baby Zoya
Sat on the sofa
And stared with her big round eyes;
Her mommy said, "Zoe,
Would you like to tell a story?"
And she said
"Now why in the world would I?" 

Bye Bye, Birdie

Today is the day I lose a friend. The realization that should have come to me months ago, that has been spoken of and lamented without full comprehension, is finally here. Today she leaves this country to go home, to fearlessly prepare for a new life, new relationships and responsibilities. I am so happy that she is the first among our little circle to – please excuse the cliché – embark on this wonderful journey called marriage! But selfish being that I am, I can't help thinking of my loss - my friend and confidante, and my partner in crime for many, many years! I can't even begin to list the things that I will miss about her and our bachelorhood escapades. The ripples from this single event will affect all our lives, and something tells me that nothing is going to be the same.  

But - I'm a big girl. I can handle change and in the process, even be incredibly happy and excited about this wedding! I will always be around for her, eagerly waiting to share her joys and hopefully a minimal amount of sorrow. Because even though today is the day I lose a friend, tomorrow she will call me, excited about something trivial - some new jewelry she bought or something that her future husband said to her, and it will be the day that my friend will come back to me!  

He had a heart shaped face. His ears were as soft as a baby's cheek, and the white hair near his ears made him look like a wolf when he was a baby, and a wise old lion when he was all grown up. We always called him golden-brown, because brown wasn't special enough for him.

I dreamt the other night, that we found you again, and papa was playing with you like he used to. We were all so happy, but it was the saddest dream I have had in a long time.

You will never be forgotten, you will never be replaced. People might get tired of hearing about you, but I will never get tired of thinking about you.

Ha! Facebook is inundated with news and updates of people getting married. Literally, (by that I mean figuratively, of course) half of the people I know have gotten married in the past year, while the rest of us marvel at the rapidity with which the first half are acquiring spouses, and consequently, extremely satisfying lives. (yes, don't you know, it is always so.) I suppose there will come a time, when Facebook is outdated and "footbox" or "tomatomap" is all the rage, and the superior software will be programmed to tell you when a statistically significant portion of your friends has tied the knot and then automatically update your "About me" page to say "stubborn, old and unmarriageable."
Till then I say, "Ha!" because "Ha!" is about all I can say.  

Fairytale

When I was a little girl, like all little girls, I loved stories. My parents were never really into the whole “tell me a story” thing. They were more into the “here read this” thing. I discovered Ariel, Cinderella, Rapunzel, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, the Twelve Dancing Princesses, and all of the others. I am deeply grateful to Hans Christian Anderson, the Grimm Brothers, and Walt Disney. Without them, my imagination would probably have withered into a squash.

My issue with these stories, however, is that they got me hooked on one problematic idea. Prince Charming, that elusive knight-in-shining-armour-riding-on-white-horse type spectacle was ubiquitous in all of these stories that I was quite fond of. Bollywood, with its melodrama and unending romances, did not help the situation. As I got older, neither did Meg Ryan and Julia Roberts. I had unquestionable faith that the prince would come to me, someday, and that I would just know.

Of course no one, not even I, can escape some wisdom with a few years of experience. And what I have found is this - people find their prince, at least they think they do. Some people have to fight to be with their prince, and some of them give up. Some of them get married and are well on their way to Happily Ever After. I know now that love is magical, but the Prince is not. I’m not saying he’s not perfect – I’m saying he’s real, which in my opinion, is much much better.

So, yesterday I received two anonymous comments on an old post. They were really nice comments, and ok.. so they weren’t really anonymous, given that they left their names. But the same day there was a crow who, I swear, followed me from the bus stop to my house. Really, what are the chances of that happening? I feel extremely suspicious.  

Happy V-day!

Nothing says Valentine's Day like ugly, mismatched socks.

EXACTLY what I was thinking. Only much, much better.

The First Snowflake
By: The Boy Least Likely To


It was the first
Snowflake to fall
Before the storm
No one noticed
It as it fell
All by itself
It wasn’t long before it
Began to melt

It felt special
All on its own
Out in the cold
But when all of
The other snowflakes
Began to fall

The little snowflake just became
Lost in the storm
And suddenly it didn’t feel
Special at all

Snow kept falling
But no two snowflakes
Are ever the same
Each one is special in its
Own little way
And that first little snowflake is still
Special to me

Children of the 80s - do you hear me? We are now officially Outdated.

RIP Walkman.


When I saw this little piece of news, I remembered how my elder sister (also a Child of the Eighties) had wanted a Walkman for some occasion and how it was such a Big Deal when my grandmother got her one. And then of course how I got to use it a couple years after that. (Yay for second hand stuff!)

I bet if I actually cared to think about it, I could come up with a dozen such things that indicate I can no longer call myself a "youngster". Just yesterday I had a friend tell me how his body doesn't process alcohol the way it used to. Sad stuff indeed.

The silver lining, if you wish, is that at least Microsoft Word still recognizes "Walkman" as a valid word. :)
Now off to work for me, I wish I still had a Walkman though. Especially since I forgot my iPod at home today.

My list of (current) Epic Fails

1. I have been trying for about six months now to play the guitar. Epic fail.

2. Work. Epic fail.

3. For a while, the only nice living thing in my room was a little spotted ladybird. Contrary to my instinctual response to insects ("Die, insect, die!!"), I let it stay because, you know, ladybirds are pretty and it made me smile. The next day I saw it fried to death on the light bulb. Epic fail.

4. My vow to not turn into a shopaholic - Epic fail.

5. My current hair experiment (aka hair style). Epic fail.

6. I swear the weekends have only 5 hours per day now. Epic fail.

7. Attempt to make best friend happy(ier). Epic fail. (Re-do)

On the other hand,

1. Shopping for baby niece/nephew - Priceless!

2. Kurkure, green mango juice that tastes like jaljeera, samosa and Kesar Pista ice cream - about $20. Being surprised with all this, and more - Priceless!

I have really weird dreams. I know that all dreams are weird to some extent, but I feel like lately my subconscious is developing sure signs of insanity. And it’s not much longer till it manifests on my conscious self. Just a polite warning to those who actually have to deal with me on a daily basis.

Ok, so amongst my many bizarre dream experiences, I am about to share with you a couple. Actually, maybe just one. No need to advertise the insanity too much.

Scene 1: Here I am, in my parents’ bedroom, while they’re watching TV. I tell my mom, that I have a worm inside my brain that is incurable (which was scary in itself.) So of course my mom does what every loving mother would do in such a situation. She picks up a gun and shoots me in the head. Good, now I’m lying on the bed telling my parents that I’m still alive, and they need to take me to a hospital! So, they help me up, and I walk out of the room.

Scene 2: My father is driving me to the hospital, on a snowy, icy, wintry day. In a big, rednec.. uh, I mean, red pick-up truck. He leaves me at the hospital door because “he can’t find parking anywhere” and I have to walk across the ice with a worm and a bullet stuffed in my head.

In the hospital, to treat my condition (the bullet wound) they cut off my head. Oooff course.

Scene 3: I run away from the hospital. And now I’m running away from a woman who wants to steal some "family secrets" from me. On a very brown, very sandy landscape with dunes or hills or something. Did I mention I’m a boy at this point? Yes, try and keep up. [Now that I think about it, it was probably because I didn’t have a brain anymore. Haha BUuuuurrrnn!!]

I do remember wondering (in my dream) that if I’ve been decapitated, how in the world is my vision still working!?

Needless to say, I woke up all sweaty and with my heart pounding. But I recovered soon enough and called my parents to tell them about the atrocities they committed. What did they have to say about it?

“Hahahaha”

Earth Hour - March 27, 2010

Lights were switched off, candles were lit and the windows were left open, so that the cool air could come and go as it pleased. For a while I felt like I was home, in India, when a power outage would strike without any notice and we would sit in the balcony, with candles lit and doors and windows left open to invite the cool breeze in. It would be quiet, except for the trucks on the road. It was the kind of silence I grew up with, the kind I like. The view from my balcony was breathtaking at night. What was unremarkable in the light – just roads and stones and apartments – would transform in the dark to a pretty pattern of lights and sounds that would just somehow match. It helped that our apartment is on the sixth floor, and the highway is just the right distance for the sound of passing cars to be pleasing instead of making you want to throw bricks at them.

But, I digress. Earth hour. It was more like two and a half earth hours. And that was because it was spent in the company of nice smelling candles, good friends and good conversations. I will just leave it at that. Candles, friends, conversations and conservation. ;)

You're not the boss of me!!

Diamond is a tiny little brown dog. She’s very feisty and spunky, like a small brown dog should be. I know this because I and three other adults, which included a police officer, ran around the main roads of town trying to catch her.

We strategized, and she slipped right through our fingers. We coaxed, and she saw right through our pretenses. We lunged, and she lunged further away from us. We slowed traffic so that she wouldn't get run over. We asked strangers sitting on the side of the road if they had any food and they looked at us like we were in cahoots with the crazy guy at the end of the street.

And all the time, the game was just getting more and more challenging for her. So, first it was just Mr Dogsitter. Then two, then three then four people! All trying to catch me, huh? Well, I’ll show them, she thought. I’ll show them who runs things around here. Here’s what I’ll do. I’ll take them out of the apartment complex first, then on to the highway. Then when they get really scared, I’ll take them to the parking lot where there’s lots of places for me to hide. Then let’s see what they come up with.

But what she didn’t take into account was that four people determined to catch a little dog will outrun her. By the end, all of us were panting and wheezing but we had her surrounded. She looked at all of us in turn, sizing us up. Then, like no big deal, she crawls into Mr Dogsitter’s arms. She was a naughty little runaway dog. But what fun she had that day!

I wonder if the dogsitter ever told the owner about Diamond’s little adventure.

The day it flooded in A-mess.

The day began when I got a call from a friend at 6.30 am in the morning. Any call at 6.30 am is either bad news or drunk dial. When she said there is water around her apartment, I never thought it would be 5 to 6 feet of water. Once they got on dry land (via rescue boat), and we walked around our neighbourhood trying to assess the levels of the water and the severity of the flood, it was clear we were pretty much stranded on an island and campus was completely inaccessible. So, I promptly got into panic gear, went to Hyvee and bought emergency supplies – 6 bars of snickers, two tins of canned fruit and some fresh fruit, and a bag of chips. I am reanalyzing my emergency-coping abilities. (Fortunately, a part of my brain was working the night before and I had parked my car away from the low lying parking spaces that got inundated with flood water).

Once we got home, we had nothing to do – we had no internet, nowhere to go. So I set about doing the one thing I had been putting off for a while – cleaning! I cleaned and sprayed and scrubbed for two hours. I even cleaned the dustbins. Who cleans the dustbins, I’d like to know and shake hands gloves with.

After that, boredom set in. While the others were catching up on sleep, I studied, I cleaned up my computer, discovered my iPod isn’t working and then went out for a walk to… Hyvee! After I got back and started cooking dinner, I learned that the water in Ames is “contaminated” (they were very ambiguous about this part), and that we aren’t supposed to flush the toilets or use the shower, and that there has been a boil alert since the morning that I knew nothing of. I set about boiling water in all the pots and pans I owned. After we had dinner two hours later than my tummy had planned, we went back to.. guess where? Hyvee! And bought gallons of drinking water.

Last thing at night, I did after all receive a drunk dial, and the day felt complete. It was all in a day’s work for me, but my heart goes out to the people who have lost their homes, their cars and their belongings, and in one case, their loved one, in the flood.

P.S. The pictures aren’t mine. The first was captured by university photographer Bob Elbert, and the second is from a weather lab. I will put up pictures from my camera either when the internet at home starts working, or when I develop enough presence of mind to bring my camera and its cord to campus.

The Shrink is In

Well. Of all the rubbish that's on YouTube, you would've thought someone would've put the video that actually teaches you some life lessons.
If you've heard of the television series "That 70's Show", you might know of Hyde and Jackie. And then you might've seen the one episode where Hyde, in his infinite wisdom teaches Jackie the power of being Zen -.-

It doesn't matter if you use it on that one really annoying person in your life, or on the nicer people who PMS sometimes (yes, even guys PMS.) or with people who are being absolutely chipper. (God knows that can be annoying.) It will faze the unfazed and unfaze the perfectly fazed. That is the power of Zen. -.-

I'm not much of a fan, but I did learn some things from that show. Now, I pass on the wisdom to you. The next time you feel the blood rising, or you're just bored with life, say these words to the person in front of you: "It's cool." and when they ask you what that means, you may move on to "Whatever". Even if they are not in front of you, but you're just plain mad, say it. You must not underestimate the power of Zen -.- The words will soothe and apathize. Excuse me, what? You say there's no such word as "apathize"? Whatever.

Use these words at your discretion, but use them wisely, little grasshoppers. And remember, "You can't teach someone to be Zen, Jackie, you can only learn to be Zen." And don't let your opponent underestimate you either, for "where Zen ends, ass-kicking begins!"

This post is dedicated to Aparajita, aka Aplu, who introduced me to the world of Zen. (You can find her and her amazing talent here - http://aparajita-r.blogspot.com/ )