Earth Hour - March 27, 2010

Lights were switched off, candles were lit and the windows were left open, so that the cool air could come and go as it pleased. For a while I felt like I was home, in India, when a power outage would strike without any notice and we would sit in the balcony, with candles lit and doors and windows left open to invite the cool breeze in. It would be quiet, except for the trucks on the road. It was the kind of silence I grew up with, the kind I like. The view from my balcony was breathtaking at night. What was unremarkable in the light – just roads and stones and apartments – would transform in the dark to a pretty pattern of lights and sounds that would just somehow match. It helped that our apartment is on the sixth floor, and the highway is just the right distance for the sound of passing cars to be pleasing instead of making you want to throw bricks at them.

But, I digress. Earth hour. It was more like two and a half earth hours. And that was because it was spent in the company of nice smelling candles, good friends and good conversations. I will just leave it at that. Candles, friends, conversations and conservation. ;)

"Golden-Brown"

I have no right to be angry, and I'm not. I was not caught unawares or unexpectedly. But still, it pierced a hole through my heart when you left. I would not change a single thing, from beginning to end. Rest in Peace seems too dull for you. May you wag your tail into eternity, and find an endless garden with lots of dirt worth sniffing, other dogs worth barking at, and lots of trees worth peeing on. :) and of course "happydog" biscuits. And no baths. Ok, you get the picture.

To my darling Buzo, Thank you.

Teacher

I still remember the day I met you. We were both young, and neither of us understood much of what was happening. I was happy, though, for sure. You just seemed confused, happy as long as milk was being provided.
You slept in your little bed-box. Sometimes you climbed out too. You got my little pink stuffed elephant because Mummy said you felt lonely sleeping all alone at night. I remember how much it would stink later on! I didn’t mind though, even when you tore it to pieces. I liked you, you see. Even when you chewed up all our dolls and slippers, even when Papa was so angry at you because you tore his uniform. Even when you peed on me when I was showing you off to my friend, I still liked you.
I also remember the day you bit me. And I had to get a shot. Well, I guess there was a day I didn’t like you.
And then you grew!! You were bigger than me for a while, and wouldn’t fit in my arms! And you yelled at everyone! Even when one of us came home, you would run and slide and bark at the door mad as a dog! Not much with Papa though, you’d sit staring at the door, ears cocked, waiting to jump on him as soon as he comes home.
You loved us so much, even when we took you to the vet, even when we gave you a bath knowing fully well how much you disliked it. Even when we all ate a yummy dinner and forgot to give you your share. You jumped and wagged and loved. As if that’s all you knew how to do.
And then I grew up, and you could fit into my arms again. Now you’re old. And your doctor says we should feel lucky to still have you around. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. I’ve always known how lucky I was... am. I loved coming home to you. I loved holding you when you came into my room at 2am, shaking from the noise of the firecrackers.
I know your eyes don’t work so well now, and your ears don’t always hear when they should. Though I know you’ll never read this or hear me say it, I know you know how I feel. Because you know Love. You should, you taught me how to.

What's on your mind?

"There’s too many things I haven’t done yet.

Too many sunsets I haven’t seen."

"I apologize once again, I’m not in love

But it’s not as if I mind that your heart ain’t exactly breaking.

Yes, I deserve nothing more than I get,

Coz nothing I have is truly mine."

You never asked me this, but I’ll tell you anyway. I hate that everything I write turns out being about you. I hate that I can see where I’ll be ten years from now. I hate that you expect me to be a certain way, and then I am.

You never asked me, darling, but I’ll tell you anyway. I am going to go to Egypt one day. And Paris. And Rome. And all the clichéd places that one wants to see. Who knows, maybe even live there for a while. What scares me is that I’ll turn 50 and I still won’t have done any of this.

You never asked me, but lemme tell you anyway. I hate that you have an opinion on everything that I am. And I hate that it matters to me.

You, on the other hand, never asked me. Annoyingly selfless as you are, You gave me everything: birth, life, lessons and laughter, and still, you didn't ask me. All this time I have loved you and fought with you and rebelled against you. It took me a while to come around. You never asked me, but I’ll tell you anyway. I miss you. So much so that it aches. I do, I love you.

Twelve

December, could I be there forever?

December, when I felt at home.

December, when my thoughts weren’t cold.

December, my beginning, my end, my new, my old.

December, how can I let you be?

Remember the giant wheel, the lighted tree?

Reunited, we found the sandy shore

We found the past, and made some more.

Remember the skyline, the butterfly, the whale?

The climb on the rocks, the margarita on the bay,

December, you made me laugh so hard,

All parts of me adored, every bit and shard.

December, could I love you forever?

The starry skies, the blurry days.

I do, Unconditional-ly surrender

To the New Year’s bell, the Hard Rock café.

December, would you come back to me?

Could you be something more than a memory?

Can I pretend that time won’t steal you away from me?

Could you stay the Unceasing, my solace, my all and every?

---

Night after day, you go so far away.

I can see you waving a sad goodbye.

But wait, what’s this you left behind?

Is this to help me let go, or to help me find?